It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
