He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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