you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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