I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
