I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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