oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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