Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
