Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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