i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
