Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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