Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
