I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
