He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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