Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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