it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
