Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
