YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
