woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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