I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
