i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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