The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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