I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Two words: blizzard sex
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
