After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
