how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
