I am puke
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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