I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
