The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Two words: blizzard sex
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
