I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
