I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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