WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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