too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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