i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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