PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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