Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
