My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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