those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
