I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
