Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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