Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
