I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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