he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
