I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
