Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
