so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
