He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
