pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
