Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
