I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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