me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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