Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
