party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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