I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
